Links: Photos | S34E06 Transcript | S35E13 Transcript | Videos | Official Site
Summary: “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” Saturday Night Live is a sketch comedy show that has run since the fall of 1975. Many now-famous actors and actresses such as Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Jane Curtin, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, Paul Shaffer, Eddie Murphy, Joe Piscopo, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Martin Short, Damon Wayans, Joan Cusack, Robert Downey Jr., Dennis Miller, Phil Hartman, Jon Lovitz, Conan O’Brien, Mike Myers, Ben Stiller, David Spade, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, Norm MacDonald, Molly Shannon, Will Ferrell, and Tina Fey got their start from Saturday Night Live. SNL is still unique amongst other sketch shows because of the fact that it has always been live. Also known as: “NBC’s Saturday Night” from October 11, 1975 to July 31, 1976. “Saturday Night” from September 18, 1976 to March 19, 1977. “Saturday Night Live” since March 26, 1977. “Good night and have a pleasant tommorow!”
Cast:
Bobby Moynihan
Casey Wilson
Andy Samberg
Bill Hader
Jason Sudeikis
Fred Armisen
Don Pardo
Will Forte
Seth Meyers
Darrell Hammond
Kenan Thompson
Kristen Wiig
Amy Poehler
Episodes Guide:
SEASON 34 EPISODE 6 – Jon Hamm/Coldplay
Original Air date: October 25, 2008.
Monologue
Jon says it’s great to be here hosting Saturday Night Live. He says he’s been starring in the critically acclaimed series “Mad Men.” And, when he tells people about the show they always ask, “What is ‘Mad Men’? Is that a television show? And what is AMC?” He says not everyone has discovered their show yet and in order to boost their ratings he talks about the show, which is a measured period piece set in the early 1960s. It explores the moray of advertising executives who like to dance… with the stars. It’s a cutthroat elimination celebrity dancing show on AMC, at 10 p.m. on Sundays. He says it stars him, and everyone from “CSI,” all the Phillies and the Rays. “Oh, we also makeover homes but in an extreme way,” he says. He says not to miss next week’s episode, the season finale. He doesn’t want to give anything away, but John McCain and Barack Obama show up and smoke real weed. He can’t believe they did it and it’s pretty late in the episode, but it’s on AMC, at 10 p.m., on Sundays. McCain freaks out and Sarah Palin has to talk him down. Jon says we have a great show tonight with Coldplay, so stick around.
Sketch: Trick or Treat
Bob Peterson, (Jon Hamm) hands out candy on Halloween night. A creepy man, Jeff Montgomery (Will Forte) comes to the door, trick-or-treating and wants a Kit Kat. “Nothing with toffee because it’s a bitch on the fillings,” he says to an uncertain Bob. Jeff then goes off on a tangent, “Hey don’t call me a bitch, bitch. You’re the bitch, bitch. Whhaat?!” He says he’s just kidding, “Trick or treat.” Bob says he’s a little old to be trick-or-treating, and Jeff says, “Forty-three isn’t too old to be in the Halloween spirit, and by spirit I don’t mean ghost, Whhaat?!” Bob slams the door in his face and Jeff rings it again. He explains that he’s new in town and just wants to make friends. He apologizes for being so awkward. Bob apologizes for not being neighborly himself. They introduce themselves, “Bob Peterson,” “Jeff Montgomery.” Bob offers Jeff some candy and Jeff greedily takes handfuls. Bob asks Jeff what his costume is. Jeff says he’s a sex offender and laughs it off. He then asks Bob to sign a form acknowledging that there’s a sex offender in the neighborhood, which he calls a fun part of his costume.
Bob wants to clear one thing up. “Is sex offender your costume or are you fulfilling a legal obligation to declare yourself a sex offender?” Jeff says to lighten up, it’s a Halloween tradition that he does in every new town that he moves into. Bob asks again if Jeff’s a sex offender. Jeff says that on Halloween, yes, he’s a registered sex offender. “What about not on Halloween?” Bob asks. Jeff says that yes, he’s still Jeff Montgomery not on Halloween. Bob tries one more time, asking him if he has a criminal record. He says “Absolutely not. If I am guilty of any crime, it’s the crime of sexually assaulting five teenagers.” Jeff then says that this will sound like a terrible segue, but, “Are you looking for a babysitter? Happy Halloween! Whhaat?!”
Sketch: Two A-Holes in an ad Agency in the 1960s
Will Forte, Bill Hader, Bobby Moynihan and Peggy (Elisabeth Moss) sit at a conference table. Forte asks the time, and Peggy says she’s just a woman who’s not allowed to own a watch. Don Draper (Hamm) enters and tells Campbell (Forte) to put down his sandwich. Roger Sterling (John Slattery) enters, says the same thing. Hader wants to know who calls in the morning and expects an ad pitch on the same day? “Clients,” Draper says. “Rich clients,” Sterling says.
Sexy and sultry, Miss Holloway (Casey Wilson) enters, says the clients are here. Sterling says to send them in. Holloway says, “I’m leaving, wanna watch?” She then turns and struts out the door.
Enter, the clients, (Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig). Draper introduces himself, Sudeikis doesn’t, just tells Draper his hair looks hard. Wiig, whom Sudeikis constantly refers to as “babe” wants them to guess her drink instead of just telling them what she wants. Sudeikis licks all the sandwiches to mark them as his, then can’t light “babe’s” cigarette. Draper lights it, then Wiig says, “Smoking’s queer,” and puts it out.
Draper says they’re a bit confused with their prototype. Sudeikis says it’s a hula hoop with a strap and gets “babe” to demonstrate it. She does, with zero energy, as she smacks her gum and plays with her hair. Draper says he doesn’t know how to sell it. Sudeikis says with celebrity endorsements, like Marilyn Monroe. He goes down the line and asks them if they get it, calling Peggy “bangs” and Hader “gay guy.” “Who meeee?” Hader asks effeminately.
Sterling says they need more time. Don Draper gives an inspirational speech about the hoop with straps representing the ultimate luxury of doing nothing. He says we spend our lives jumping through hoops. Isn’t it time we relaxed inside one? Peggy nods enthusiastically. Draper says these suspenders aren’t holding up a plastic hoop. They are suspending reality, our childhood. “It’s the circle of life.” Moynihan, moved to tears, runs out of the room while the others applause. Sterling asks the couple what they think. Unmoved, Sudeikis says, “No.” Babe says, “Stupid.”
Sterling says he’ll see them out, being noon he’s “on his way to the bar anyway.” Wiig tells him that his pocket square looks like a rabbit. “So it does,” Sterling says.
Sketch: A Message from Barack and Michelle Obama
Michelle Obama (Maya Rudolph) and Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) have decided their lead is so big that the half hour of air time the Obama campaign purchased on all four networks is now going to be a variety show to “shake things up.”
First, the two sing “Solid as Barack” to the tune of the Ashford & Simpson song. Next, Obama introduces House Democrats Barney Frank (Moynihan), Nancy Pelosi (Wiig) and Ron Emanuel (Samberg) who sing Crosby, Stills and Nash’s tune “Our House,” with a slight change to the lyrics: “When the Republicans were in charge, life used to be so hard.” They’re followed by Bill Clinton (Hammond), who sings Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me” as Britney Spears castoffs gyrate in the background.
Obama sits down with Biden (Sudeikis) and asks him what he meant when he said that if he was elected, a foreign power would test him with an international crisis. Then, he asks Biden what he’s eating. He’s holding up a foot and says, “My foot, in my mouth!” The two laugh it off. Obama says Revered Jeremiah Wright and University of Illinois professor Bill Ayers will join them. Cut to Ayers (Hader) at the keyboard as Wright (Kenan Thompson) sings, “White Devils Be Crazy” to the Gnarls Barkley tune.
Michelle Obama says there will also be serious moments, like when Barack meets the spirit of JFK. Obama sits stoically as the ghost of JFK (Hamm) gives him his blessing, saying he’s truly the heir to his throne. Bill Clinton interrupts, saying, “Hey guys, I’m right here.” Both Obama and JFK laugh.
Back to Michelle, who tells us to join them this Wednesday for the Obama Variety Hour, and breaks into song: “Solid as Barack.”
Sketch: Don Draper’s Guide to Picking Up Women
Don Draper demonstrates the keys to success in picking up women by making the least effort possible.
Sketch: Vincent Price’s Halloween Show
Vincent Price (Hader) has an awkward entrance when the crew can’t get the hydraulics to work for his entrance. He steps up to enter, instead of the more dramatic rising into frame, just in time to hear the doorbell. Gloria Swanson (Wiig) and James Mason (Hamm) enter. When asks why she’s not dressed up, Swanson, clad in an evening gown and fur boa, says she’s a pirate, and it’s all about the acting. Mason says if she’s a pirate, “My Jolly Roger was at full mast the whole ride over.” Mason asks Price where the whores are, shocking Price, who tells him to tone it down for his family show. Mason announces that he’s just pissed himself and wants another drink.
Price introduces “The Ghost of Liberace,” who isn’t a ghost, but actually Liberace (Armisen). He asks Liberace to play haunting music while he recites Poe’s “The Raven,” but Liberace plays sweeping, grandiose music so Price calls it off. His guests are continuing to be family inappropriate when the doorbell rings. A girl dressed as a princess and a boy dressed as a sailor are at the door. Mason asks the boy if he’s dressed as some kind of homosexual. The boy says that’s mean and wants his mom. “That makes two of us,” Mason says, and then says she should bring in a friend for Liberace who declines with, “Oh, I’m good.”
Price wraps it up, trying to sink out of frame. The hydraulics fail again and start smoking. “Oh well, have a Happy Halloween everybody,” Price says before dropping out of sight.
Commercial: Jon Hamm’s John Ham
Jon Hamm introduces a new packaged deli meat bearing his name. Jon Hamm’s John Ham. Since we live in a fast-paced world, you have to make a decision. Eat lunch or go to the bathroom. Now you never have to make that decision again. Jon’s ham is on a roll in the bathroom across from the toilet paper, so you can intake and output at the same time.
Jon says he knows what we’re thinking. That he’s just endorsing John Ham because of his name. “Well, you’re wrong. You’re dead wrong. First of all, my last name has two ‘m’s’ and my first name doesn’t have an ‘h.’ Feel like a dummy yet?” And, if you order in the next five minutes, you’ll get a free mustard soap which has no soap properties whatsoever, but tastes great on ham. Tell your boss to order one for the office today.
Remember the John Ham’s motto. If it feels like a ham, don’t wipe your ass with it.
Commercial: Pat Finger for Butts City Council
Pat Finger (Hamm) wants your vote for a spot on the City Council in Butts, New York. He says he grew up in Butts and knows all the sights, sounds and smells of Butts Valley. In other words, he’s very concerned with what’s going on inside Butts. He says he’ll improve bridges and roads with a special focus on repairing potholes. “I vow I will do everything in my power to plug up every Butts hole.” To get things done, he says, “You’re going to need a Finger in Butts.”
SEASON 35 EPISODE 13 – Jon Hamm/Michael Buble
Original Air date: January 30, 2010.
Monologue
Jon is here hosting SNL for the second time. The first time he did it, it was like a dream come true. He admits that for this second time around, he’s really just doing it for the paycheck.
Many people might not know this, but Jon has been acting for a long time. Way before he played his well-known character Don Draper, he played new kid Bonzo on “Late for Class.” However, Bonzo dressed just like Don Draper — and acted like him too. Better not let Bonzo catch you chatting in the hallway or being tardy for class.
Jon also made appearances on QVC where he again acted very similar to Don Draper. The clip shows Jon re-enacting a familiar scene from “Mad Men” where he smacks the QVC woman in the face.
However, Jon says that he caught a break when he was able to do stand-up on Def Comedy Jam and believe or not, that is how he got his gig on “Mad Men.”
Sketch: The Party
New York City: 1928. There’s a wonderful party going on at Lilia’s, but whatever you do, (as requested by Lilia) don’t make her sing. The guests urge William to play the piano, and Lilia, failing to be modest about her desire to sing, steps up to the piano to join William in song. However, when William starts playing, she doesn’t seem to know the words to anything. Although Lilia feels pressured to sing, no one in the party is actually asking her to do so and they let her know it. William tries for one more song, but Lilia continues to miss the cue and becomes angry that people have made her sing (no one was making her sing). With all the failed attempts at a sing-along, William decides to play something that is only instrumental. Lilia is fine with this as long as her party guests don’t make her dance.
Digital Short: Sergio
Andy’s an important businessman who doesn’t have time to pay for his mistakes. Like when he accidentally steps on a sacred trinket from a homeless gypsy. The gypsy curses Andy by saying “Sergio.” During a business meeting the curse shows its “ugly” head. Sergio, a sexy saxophonist, bursts through the wall, shirtless and greasy, playing his haunting tune. The executives are too distracted by Sergio’s moves to pay attention to Andy’s presentation. The curse follows Andy everywhere he goes — even when he is trying to spend time with his girlfriend, Sergio is there, seducing everything around him (including Andy’s girlfriend) with his magical, musical moves. And even when Andy tries to get professional help, Sergio arrives. Left with no choice, Andy pleads with the homeless man to remove the curse. The man tells him to take the trinket and mend it and keep it over his bed, which will save him from the curse forever. Five years later, Andy is about to see the birth of his first born, but he learns that his wife accidentally broke the sacred trinket early that day. The curse has returned and instead of a baby boy, Andy’s wife births the sexy saxophonist Sergio from her womb.
Sketch: New Senator
The Democratic party is in crisis mode and Harry Reid has called a meeting of all their superpowers: Speaker Pelosi, and Senators Robert Byrd, Barbara Boxer, and Congressman Barney Frank. They can’t believe a pretty boy like Scott Brown has taken their majority away. Just then, Scott Brown mistakenly comes into the Democrats’ meeting and gives a charming wink after realizing he was in the wrong office. They’ll have to pardon him; he’s new. Scott continues to interrupt the Democrats’ meeting, which inspires Speaker Pelosi to have her own fantasy about him. This time the new Senator is all stars in a shirtless vest and Speaker Pelosi definitely likes it. Scott tells the Democrats that he is “open to anything” and Barney Frank gets taken away into his own little fantasy world, with Scott dressed in a tight little construction outfit. Senator Byrd finally puts his glasses on to see what all the fuss is about. Once the Senator sees Scott, he has an old-time fantasy with Scott in a flapper dress. To the Democrats, thinking about Scott Brown seems more important than dealing with any of the other issues at hand.
Sketch: Game Time with Randy and Greg
It’s time to talk about football with Randy Dukes and his co-host Greg, who is not an alien. They are both getting ready for the Super Bowl. Rick, the first caller, is quite sure that Greg is an alien — and Greg let’s out a weird moan to deny this. Things take a turn for the worse when Greg interviews Colts quarterback coach Frank Reich. Greg attacks Frank and the cameras shut off. Back at the show, Randy invites Frank to talk, but it seems as though Greg has transformed Frank into an alien. Frank is dressed just like Greg, has no eyebrows like Greg, and even has a tail. Randy Dukes has had enough, this is a sports show, people are supposed to talk about sports. Greg and Frank look at the globe and when Randy tries to take it away they both scream. Suddenly there are four Gregs. They have figured out how to multiply, and soon go from four to eight. Randy Dukes is almost in tears, he needs help and someone should get him out of there fast.
Sketch: Hamm & Buble
Jon Hamm and Michael Buble have the perfect restaurant for you. Come to Hamm and Buble (pronounced “bubbly”) for fine pork and champagne. So get ready, it’s time for your mouth to celebrate. Try the Hamm Buble, which is perfect for lovers. Or you could try the Buble Hamm — champagne with floating chunks of pork. Michael Buble knows this is a bad idea, but he can’t let Jon know. Michael was forced into this against his will. Michael Buble is being held captive and asks for someone to call the police but Jon is standing right behind him. Looks like Michael’s skating on thin ice with Jon. But Jon knows that Hamm and Buble is the perfect place for ham and champagne, and if you can think of some place better, keep it to yourself.
Commercial: Closet Organizer
Is your closet a mess? Get the Closet Organizer: a man dressed in blue who will organize your closet for you as you throw things into it like water, pies, jeans, and more water. It’s easy to use too. The Closet Organizer just needs two meals a day and a little bucket to do its business.
Sketch: Stenographer
During a trial, Melinda the stenographer is using a typewriter instead of a stenograph and it’s becoming increasingly loud during the witness’s testimony. The trial has to take a back seat while Melinda tries to find her crackers in her huge purse. She needs them to take her medicine. Turns out her crackers were in her pocket the whole time. Melinda laughs at the lawyer’s jokes and needs a giggle break. The lawyer is not too sure that Melinda is getting all the details of this trial — and he’s right. Turns out that no one in the court is actually good at their job, so everything that the court stenographer has typed is going to have to do. The judge calls a recess while Melinda finds her hair brush.
Sketch: Bar
Two men drink at a bar, neither of them gay. Resdan thinks the other man looks familiar. Suddenly it hits him — the man sitting next to him is the Closet Organizer from the commercial. The Closet Organizer, Tarky, does his act for Resdan, who is impressed. However when Resdan tries to coerce Tarky (the Closet Organizer) to come back to his place to hang out, have some drinks and maybe organize his closet, Tarky gets upset. He gets this all the time and is sick of it. Tarky leaves Resdan alone at the bar, and hopes that he dies.
Sketch: American Enterprise Tonight on CNBC, it’s American Enterprise, the story of Barnes and Noble. Back in 1917 Mr. Barnes and Mr. Noble had a brilliant and innovative idea to contribute to society. They wanted to build a place where homeless people could go to the bathroom (and regular people too, if they are tired from walking). So in 1917 the first Barnes and Noble opened, and it was a success. However, in order to pay for the massive daily clean-up, they had to sell something — and so they sold books.
Million Dollar Arm 
Mad Men (2007-)
Friends with Kids (2012)
